Stolen pleasures

It is dinner time at home, and my husband and son are at the dinner table talking, laughing and eating.

I am sitting on the sofa, busy on my computer, my brows furrowed in concentration. I am skipping dinner tonight, as I overate this afternoon. My stomach still feels heavy, and I sigh as I continue to type away.

My husband is done with his dinner. It is now his favourite ‘dessert time’, and he brings back some jim-jam biscuits from the kitchen.

He settles down in the easy chair, and proceeds to devour them. I look at him; and then look at the jim-jams. My tongue, that traitor, waters. I turn my attention to my work. “No more disturbances”, I tell myself.

In just a few seconds, my husband comes over and shows me one of the jim-jam biscuits and exclaims, “Look at this biscuit, the raspberry jam is on the wrong side.”

Image courtesy –

I say, “Oh, is it? Can I see it?” I turn the biscuit this way and that and pretend to examine it, as temptation battles with my guilt.

“Doesn’t matter really where the raspberry jam is, does it?” I say and quickly pop the biscuit into my mouth.

The yummy biscuit crumbles in my mouth, its flavour enhanced further by the delicious jam within. All the heaviness in my stomach vanishes. My guilt and resolve are nowhere to be seen.

My husband grumbles as he heads back to the kitchen to get another jim-jam. I smile and get back to work.

The ‘goal maniac’

There are two days every year, when I am infused with a sense of purpose; when I visualize my life’s ‘big’ plan, and look deep into the future, dreaming with a faraway look in my eyes. The said two days are New Year’s eve and the eve of my birthday, wherein I look back and ahead.

These two days are scary in some respects in that some hidden ‘goal maniac’ takes control of mind and makes me write down stuff about my long term, medium term, short term and very short term plans.

For example, the goal maniac writes down things like run the half-marathon or read 10 classics or go on ‘crazy-diet abc’…you get the drift right?

Courtesy –

And somehow when these two days pass, the resolve lasts for about a month or less, and the sense of not having done anything is quite demotivating.

Take for example some of these ‘low carb’ diets (for the record, I love rice, really, really love it).

I start the diet and things cruise along smoothly. Two days into the diet, I already feel less flabby, more energetic and more determined to continue.

Slowly…the routine takes root. I am so…able to manage this.  Then the ‘tongue’ slowly works its magic. It craves rice. It keeps sending messages to my brain…come on, just one meal, increase the portion size of carbs, come on.

The mind weakens, ‘the goal maniac’ is away on holiday, and slowly but surely the tongue reigns supreme.

There is another scenario where the diet is progressing well. Everything in moderation, and in those agonizing few hours between late afternoon and dinner, the craving starts for junk food. I have a set of glass jars with an assortment of nuts, savouries and biscuits for the kids. I eye them. Should I, should I not? Maybe just one. Maybe just two…maybe more.

Where is the resolve, what happens to the ‘goal maniac’? 

Have to wait for New Year’s eve to have a one to one conversation with this person – to tell her not to enthuse me with grandiose plans, but to help me set small goals, achievable ones, to tell myself that consistency and patience have their rewards!